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 Post subject: worst taking a shit stories (another great story by bill!)
PostPosted: Fri Dec 21, 2012 2:15 pm 
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I have a few taking a shit stories that ended up bad, but this one was and I think will remain the greatest

around this time 4 years ago I was waiting for someone in their car and they took too long ... I couldn't go inside where they were because the guy who lived there didnt like me and if he saw me I would've gotten a beating cuz I owed him money..... I didnt want to go knocking on other peoples houses because I just didn't want to, and also because the dude probably would've had seen me

so I tried my best to hold it in but when you start to sweat, and that pain goes thru like brick .... its fucked. I tried to lift one side and fart and thats when shit got outta control haha literally.... everything just started coming out....consistent .... and it was fucked cuz I felt it go up my balls and ontop of my thigh ... so I was like, holy fuck this is gonna be really bad lol

anyways when my buddy came back, I was already sitting in the backseat

I rolled the windows down but he said it was too cold..so as soon as he rolled them up he locked the window cuz I kept tryin to roll it down...

he put the heat on, and then he started to smell the shit lolll

I told him that I had the shits and I was farting silent and to just give me my stuff and take me home....cuz we were originally just gonna get coked out and go cruising for a while.

he figured out that I shit my pants cuz the smell was way too stong...when he dropped my off he said that the back of my pants all the down to back of my knees were all drenched in diarhea liquid, cuz I was wearing beige track pants ... he said it looked like oil stains hahahaha

he got pissed cuz his back seat was soily but not that bad, but still


I always think about this story around this time of the year cuz we all get a little bit more boozed and stoned up around this time and I'll never forget
the xmas lights at the building I was living in, while I tried running up the stairs with shit dripping down my leg

MERRY XMAS!!


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 Post subject: Re: worst taking a shit stories (another great story by bill
PostPosted: Fri Dec 21, 2012 3:07 pm 
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CRITICAL BILL wrote:
.... and it was fucked cuz I felt it go up my balls and ontop of my thigh ... so I was like, holy fuck this is gonna be really bad lol



:((( :((( :(((


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 Post subject: Re: worst taking a shit stories (another great story by bill
PostPosted: Fri Dec 21, 2012 5:17 pm 
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bill doesnt post on the site for about a week.. and comes back online talking about taking really long shits haha... the worst ones is when you are in public and you gotta take a shit.. but you forget to check for toilet paper because there was no time.. and for the rest of the day you only have one sock



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 Post subject: Re: worst taking a shit stories (another great story by bill
PostPosted: Fri Dec 21, 2012 5:30 pm 
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another part I forgot to add was that my track pants were already a bit damp because I took them outta the dryer too soon....so if you can imagine the feeling of damp track pants while feeling the urge to take a serious shit.....its a nightmare man lol

fleecy and shit smell haha


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 Post subject: Re: worst taking a shit stories (another great story by bill
PostPosted: Fri Dec 21, 2012 5:54 pm 
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aiiiiiiight. in grade two just before we went on a walk to the local library, i was in the cloak room getting my swag ready when suddenly I felt a poo coming and it was real heavy.

I felt it peeking out and before i knew it, it was past the point of no return. the soft serve just poured out a real solid patty. I was too embarassed to say anything so I walked to the muthafuckin library with that shit in my pants.

Sat through the telling of Hats for Sale or whatever the fuck and walked back to school in that stench.

Along the way of course everybody smelled it but I was deflecting it like a ninja. Pointnig to the esl kids and whatnot.


Anyways, that's about it. Got back to school, the day ended and I just waited for the pickup. Pops yelled at me good and threw me a lil beating. I guess it helped because I been good since grade 6.


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 Post subject: Re: worst taking a shit stories (another great story by bill
PostPosted: Fri Dec 21, 2012 6:28 pm 
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taking a shit when you were a kid doesnt really count because that happened to all of us

don't fucking lie you've shit your pants while out drinking

I know I was outside a club once passed out on the concrete tree box outside of limelight and I shit and pissed my pants and the bouncers were just laughing

I have a few other shit stories


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 Post subject: Re: worst taking a shit stories (another great story by bill
PostPosted: Fri Dec 21, 2012 9:17 pm 
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I have 2 good shit stories. Here's the first one.....

When I was in grade 9, I hung around a bunch of future career criminals and we all shoplifted. I went to Kingsway Garden Mall in Edmonton with my buddy to steal some Vanilla Ice and Public Enemy cassettes from HMV. I had been pocketing shit for so long by that time, that sometimes I would just see something and steal it, even if I had no reason to.
As we were leaving the mall, we had to cut through The Bay to get to the bus stop. For some reason we wandered around a bit and we passed a display filled with Cadbury Cream eggs. I grabbed one and started walking and placed it in my inside jacket pocket. As I was reaching into my jacket, I made direct eye contact with this dude, but he walked away as if nothing happened. So I didn't bring it up to my buddy. I remember feeling like I had to take a shit, but our bus was coming soon and I thought it wouldn't be a problem holding it until I got home.
We were standing inside the Bay doors, watching for our bus, when I heard "KINGSWAY BAY SECURITY." It was the guy I made eye contact with. I didn't waste a second, I was out that door and didn't look back. I was almost out of the parking lot when I felt like I might shit myself. I looked behind me me and the dude was like 6 feet behind me. I had to shift into 5th. But before I knew it, I filled my shorts. By that point, I thought there's no way I'm giving up.
That fucking dude, man. He chased me for 6 blocks. We were jumping over fences and shit. You can imagine what kind of mess that made.
After I lost him, I went to my other friend's apartment. He lived about a kilometre away. I told him the story and asked if I could borrow some underwear. I used his bathroom, cleaned up and forgot my shitty underwear in a Mac's grocery bad beside the toilet. I was like , "oh fuck." When I called him to ask him to get rid of the bag, he said his mom knocked on his door and asked if I was alright and then showed him the bag.
Needless to say, I never went back to visit him.



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 Post subject: Re: worst taking a shit stories (another great story by bill
PostPosted: Fri Dec 21, 2012 9:34 pm 
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Perfect Plex wrote:
he said his mom knocked on his door and asked if I was alright and then showed him the bag.



AHAHAHAHAAHAHAHAAHAHAHA


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 Post subject: Re: worst taking a shit stories (another great story by bill
PostPosted: Fri Dec 21, 2012 9:36 pm 
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c'mon more shit stories!!

Cheeky and Neveah, I know you must have a few!

chick shit stories are the funniest hahahaha


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 Post subject: Re: worst taking a shit stories (another great story by bill
PostPosted: Fri Dec 21, 2012 9:48 pm 
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This one was during a low point in my life, but what the hell...

I had major writer's block for a few years and it was probably due to the amount of hard drugs I was using. There was a long stretch for me when I was using every day. I took a little break from the drugs for a while and started trying to write again. After a few attempts, I wrote something that, at the time, had me convinced it was the best thing I ever wrote. I was basically homeless, so I just folded it up and put it in my wallet.
One night, I ran into my friend I've known since grade 2 and we ended up having some beers and he was like, "let's order some shit. I'll pay." So I ordered up, and we did a few lines and about after an hour, he's like, "k, man. I gotta go to sleep. You gotta go." At that time, to me, that shit was unheard of. I'm thinking, who does a gram and goes to sleep? I was basically giving him a hard time about it, and he must have really wanted me out of there, cuz he said, "here. Take this with you, grab a cab and order another one on me," and he hands me 100 dollar bill. I was fuckin ghetto at the time, so my fuckin eyes lit up and I was out of there..I thought to myself, "fuck the cab. I might be able to get 3 halves for this hundy."
I had to cross this long bridge in downtown Edmonton to get to my uncle's place to use his phone and order up. I was halfway across the bridge when my stomach just started rolling. I had to shit sooooo bad, that I started involuntarily walking like Frankenstein. I had no control over what was about to happen. The bridge was busy with cars and I thought that I'd better get to the closest side of the bridge, so I went back to where I came from and went down into the bushes along the river bank. I just barely got my pants down when shit started spraying out. It was the best shit ever. So much relief.
So I'm crouching there, super satisfied, when I realize that I need to wipe my ass. There is absolutely nothing around me, but snow on the ground. So I'm like, "maybe there's something in my wallet." I open it up and all that's in there was the best 2 verses I ever wrote. With a hook and everything. Took me a few moments to think about it, but I really had no choice.



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 Post subject: Re: worst taking a shit stories (another great story by bill
PostPosted: Sat Dec 22, 2012 5:04 am 
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Perfect Plex wrote:
I ordered up, and we did a few lines and about after an hour, he's like, "k, man. I gotta go to sleep. You gotta go."


Perfect Plex wrote:
I thought to myself, "fuck the cab"


:scared



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 Post subject: Re: worst taking a shit stories (another great story by bill
PostPosted: Mon Dec 24, 2012 10:50 am 
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I once took a shit in the Peel Pub bathroom after last call. I had to beg the bouncer to let me back in, he saw the look on my face and flagged me in. Ever see one of those toilets after last call? Thats some trainspotting shit. I stood on the rim of the bowl and squatted a projectile shit all over the toilet. no TP had to wipe my ass with my undies.

Got in a cab and notied I also splatterd some on my shoes and socks. I took my shitty shoes and socks off and stuffed them under the passenger seat the cabbie kept bitching he smelt shit I kept saying I was drunk and gassy.

I left the cab barefot.


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 Post subject: Re: worst taking a shit stories (another great story by bill
PostPosted: Mon Dec 24, 2012 2:24 pm 
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CRITICAL BILL wrote:
cuz I was wearing beige track pants ...


Lmao!

CRITICAL BILL wrote:
Cheeky and Neveah, I know you must have a few!

chick shit stories are the funniest hahahaha


Sorry billy, I honestly don't have any shit stories (not even from childhood), but I've had a couple incidents involving a full bladder and being stuck in traffic or having to wait around for the damn police cuz i was in a car accident... That's a about it.
Nothing funny though.


But merry Xmas lol


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 Post subject: Re: worst taking a shit stories (another great story by bill
PostPosted: Wed Dec 26, 2012 5:22 pm 
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merry xmas boobie


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